The Quilt Police and Social Media: Why This Still Matters (More Than Ever)
This is a post I originally wrote in 2017. I recently stumbled across it while organizing old files, and as I reread it, I realized something unsettling: it’s even more relevant today than it was then. In 2017, social media already felt loud. Already felt judgmental. Already felt like a place where “likes” carried far more weight than they should. Fast forward to now, and the volume has only been turned up. The platforms have changed. The algorithms have changed. The metrics have multiplied. Human nature? Not so much.
Running Conversations and Teenage Angst
Back when I first wrote this, my youngest son had just turned fourteen. He was deep in teenage angst and anxiety. Fortunately for me, he was also my running buddy as I trained for a big race. Long runs make space for big conversations. We talked about life, the universe, and everything in between. One recurring theme was popularity.
Why are some people “popular”?
How do you deal with people who aren’t kind?
How do you stop worrying about what others think of you?
With my usual motherly confidence, I told him it gets better with time. That most teenagers are so busy worrying about themselves that they don’t have time to judge everyone else. That everyone is more insecure than they let on.
He wasn’t convinced. He couldn’t quite believe that “Mom” had ever been a teenager. And honestly, after thinking about it, I’m not sure my advice was entirely transferable to his world.
When I was in high school, we had bullies and mean girls. High school was not my idea of a good time. But when the final bell rang, you went home. There wasn’t a device in your pocket delivering commentary 24/7.
Today, there is no off switch.
And this doesn’t just affect teenagers. It affects all of us.
When Did “Likes” Become a Measure of Worth?
When I graduated from high school and went to college, the drama largely faded. For the next 15–20 years, life felt refreshingly free of that constant social comparison.
Then social media arrived.
At first, it felt like connection. And in many ways, it still is. I’ve met incredible quilters because of it. I’ve stayed in touch with students and friends across the country. I’ve seen beautiful work I would never have encountered otherwise.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted.
As a small business owner, I can’t simply “opt out.” Shows want to you to promote classes online, guilds find you through posts, even publishers evaluating book proposals often want to know follower counts before they want to know the quality of the content. Engagement metrics have become currency.
When did we become a society where our worth is measured in likes on a platform famous for cat videos? It’s a strange world. And quilting has not been immune.
The Rise of the “Quilt Police”
The quilting community has gained tremendous benefits from social media. Tutorials are accessible. Inspiration is endless. Community is global. But there’s a darker side too.
Enter: the Quilt Police.
You know the type.
The ones who must correct.
Must critique.
Must point out what’s wrong.
They have always existed. Every guild has had one or two, but social media has amplified them. Now their commentary isn’t limited to one meeting or one show. It can be broadcast to thousands.
What concerns me isn’t thoughtful critique. There’s absolutely a place for that. I enter shows. I welcome judges’ comments. I want to grow.
What concerns me is the casual tearing down.
The unnecessary sharpness.
The assumption that every shared quilt is an invitation for public dissection.
A Quilt That Isn’t Flat or Square
I used to quilt for a dear, sweet, little old lady who make T-shirt quilts for her family. She had arthritis. She was losing her eyesight. Her quilts were not perfectly flat. They were not perfectly square.
They were, however, deeply loved.
Her grandchildren did not care if her seams meet at razor-sharp points. They did not evaluate whether her colors are technically complementary. They wrapped themselves in her quilts and felt warmth; not judgment.
So why should we care more than they do?
When someone shares a quilt online, most of the time it’s because they love it. Because they are proud. Because they are excited.
Not because they are requesting a full technical review from strangers.
There is a difference between critique offered in context and criticism delivered casually in a comment thread.
When Critique Turns Mean
Years ago, I had a quilt included in a major museum gala. I remember scrolling through social media photos of the winning quilt. It was avant-garde. Not my personal style.
But the comments?
They went far beyond “not my taste.”
They were mean.
And here’s the irony: the challenge for the exhibit was to create a nontraditional quilt using unconventional materials. The winning piece met that challenge beautifully. It simply didn’t conform to what some viewers preferred.
Art is supposed to provoke discussion. It is fascinating how the same piece can move one person deeply and leave another cold. That tension is part of what makes art powerful.
What I don’t understand is when we lost the ability to disagree without tearing someone down.
You can say, “This isn’t my style.”
You can say, “I prefer traditional work.”
Without saying, “This is terrible.”
Quilting Is Like Jazz
I’ve always thought of quilting a little like jazz.
There is a framework: a quilt top, batting, and backing held together by thread, a certain density that needs to be quilted, 1/4″ seams, etc.
But within that framework? Freedom! Improvisation! Expression!
Some of the most interesting quilts I’ve ever made started as mistakes. A zig when I meant to zag. A miscalculation. A “well, that wasn’t the plan” moment that led somewhere better.
If I had been paralyzed by the fear of someone pointing out every imperfection, those quilts would never have happened.
Technique can absolutely be refined. We all improve with time and practice. But confidence? Passion? Those are much harder to rebuild once damaged.
And new quilters are watching. They are scrolling. They are quietly asking themselves:
“If I post this, will someone point out everything I did wrong?”
If the answer feels like “probably,” many will simply choose not to share.
Or worse not to start.
Encouragement Is Not the Enemy of Excellence
Here’s something important: encouraging someone does not mean lowering standards.
You can pursue excellence.
You can teach technique.
You can value craftsmanship.
And still be kind.
In fact, I would argue that kindness creates the safest environment for excellence to flourish. When someone feels supported, they are more willing to try harder techniques. To experiment. To risk.
When someone feels judged, they retreat.
And quilting, at its heart, has always been about community. Sewing bees. Guild meetings. Retreats. Conversations around a frame. Shared fabric. Shared stories.
Half the joy of quilting for me is the socialization. The connection. The laughter. The shared obsession over thread color.
If we let judgment dominate that space, we lose something essential.
So What Do We Do?
We cannot control algorithms. We cannot liminate every critical voice. But we can control how we show up. We can:
- Pause before commenting.
- Ask ourselves whether feedback was requested.
- Offer guidance gently and privately when appropriate.
- Publicly celebrate effort and creativity.
- Remember that there is a human being behind every quilt photo.
And perhaps most importantly: We can quilt for the joy of it. The next time you sit down to piece or quilt something, try this experiment: Create without imagining the comment section. Choose fabrics you love, not what is trending. Quilt the way that makes you happy.
If it ends up slightly wavy? If a point isn’t perfect? It is still fantastic.
Because you made it.
Let’s Talk
I would love to hear from you.
- Have you ever held back from posting a quilt because you were worried about criticism?
- Have you experienced a “quilt police” moment; either online or in person?
- How do you balance improving your technique with protecting your creative joy?
- If you’re a newer quilter, what makes you feel encouraged to keep going?
Let’s use this space differently. Let’s make this comment section a place of thoughtful conversation, not correction.
Because at the end of the day, quilting should feel like jazz; structured enough to hold together, free enough to let you breathe.
And no one ever improved their improvisation by being told they shouldn’t have tried.
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Hi Kris, agree with all you said! Especially “being kind” and not critical of someone’s “interpretation “ of their quilt project! I tend to “do my own thing” and not dwell on negative or unkind comments!
Thanks for your encouraging posts!
Thanks, it’s just as easy to be kind, as it is to be mean, but it’s much better karma. 😃
Great article! I really detest when unsolicited advice is given. I don’t post much anymore. I’ve about had it with social media. And I don’t send pictures of my work to a certain family member because she always has something negative to say about my quilts. It’s hurtful and annoying.
Thank you. I’m not sure when everyone decided their opinion needed to be shared, but it really doesn’t. I feel your pain with your family member. I had one just like that. You can’t win, so it’s better to just not play.
My first experimental quilt top was pitiful. There were places the seams were so uneven holes appeared during the quilting process which had to be covered with ‘tight’ quilting! My granddaughter loved it and my learning curve flattened just a bit. Since that horrendous effort, I always try to ‘challenge’ myself with at least one new aspect per quilt. Sometimes it works better than others but I can’t grow without making an effort. My mantra is to surround yourself with loving mentors. Don’t listen to vicious critiques – they are just jealous of your enjoyment. And above all, remember the smiles (and tears of joy) when you share one of your creations!
Nobody starts out an expert, and I’m sure your granddaughter still loves it. You are spot on about challenging yourself to keep growing. Right there with you on surrounding yourself with positive people.
Your thoughts are spot on. I teach to encourage others to develop the same passion that I have for quilting. I teach techniques that have helped me have the best finished product that I am capable of making. I always emphasize that we all start somewhere and with practice we all get better. But of course, the older I get the better I use to be! LOL
Thanks, I try to do the same in my classes. Right there with you on the getting older part. 😂
Enjoyed your blog. You brought out the issue in a constructive way.
If “Earth Stories “ is the challenge quilt you referred to, it’s a great quilt! It does meet the challenge criteria. The elements and principles of design are there. I found it to be very interesting and liked the colors used and the way they used the fabric to create the design.
The whatever police seem to be everywhere! Even in church. We had a woman where I used to live that was over the top being a quilt police, she literally destroyed 2 different quilt guilds!! Yes, I know that there are quilters that hesitate to show their work because of this! Sad because they are creating wonderful quilts!
Glad you enjoyed it. It is the quilt. It wasn’t my style, but she did a great job with the challenge requirements and her technique was spot on. That’s too bad about the lady in your guild. I think you have to be really unhappy to want to bring everyone else down.
Hey, Kris. Sometimes when I am in a “playful” mood and someone criticizes my quilting, I just smile and say “You’re right. May I see your work so I have an esample of how it should look?” Usually the result is crickets.
Other times, when someone notices a mistake of glitch or inconsistency, I tell them my about secret weapon. When I have made a mistake that MUST be fixed, and to fix it perfectly would require a great deal of disassembly, I take the 180 approach. I make my “repair” so differnt from the rest of the work that I can claim it is a design element. And that has occasionally turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to an given piece.
I confess to being a perfectionist about my quilting and sewing, but I am too old to care what some 50 year-old kid says about the quality of my work.
I love it. I bet that really makes them back peddle. Lol
Great article💜
Thank you
I was at QuiltCon looking at what had to be the ugliest, poorly made quilt I’d ever seen. Obviously the maker did not feel that way. There was no one else around and another lady came up and in her probably loudest outside voice said” oh my god, the is horrendous”. I reacted with tears and a trembling lip, saying “It’s mine”. Oh the apologies. I finally admitted it wasn’t mine, with the caveat to think about what you say and how you say it.
That’s awesome. You’re right. You never know who’s listening.